Time To Heal

I began asking for healing from the Lord, and He took me down the road of restoration one step at a time. First, I needed to know and learn He had forgiven me, accept His forgiveness, and forgive others who caused such pain and hurt in my life. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14,15). To experience His forgiveness was complete freedom! I felt as though I was taken off the hook, so to speak. I confess I had a hard time forgiving myself; this is something I think many of us struggle with. I heard someone mention, “Are you higher then God Himself? He chose to forgive you but you can’t forgive yourself? Don’t elevate yourself. He is the Lord God, and He gave you the gift of forgiveness at a very high price to Himself. The death of His Son is not cheap. Do not cheapen it by not accepting His gift of forgiveness.” I realized once again my eyes were on myself again and not on Him. This is the whole purpose of the cross, forgiveness. Sin is the separation, keeping us from God; the cross covers our sin and allows full access to God. All God requires of us is to believe and accept the free gift.

I must also learn to do the same toward others as He has done for me. Without forgiveness toward others, it only leads to bitterness and an ugly heart. I had to forgive in order to begin my healing process, and this meant forgiving those who caused such anguish and hurt in my life. It all goes together. A battle raged through my thoughts, “It’s not fair they’re not asking for forgiveness from me!” Yet, I was to forgive regardless of their heart in the matter. God was concerned about my heart and was dealing with me, and teaching me Jesus died for my sins before I asked Him to forgive me. He let me off the hook and freed me, and now it was my turn to do the same for others in my life. Forgiveness is giving up our right to judge people for their offenses, and releasing them so they too can experience freedom in hopes they may come to know Jesus.

“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:14,15).

One can’t just stop at the first step of forgiveness, as most likely our feelings of bitterness and anger will reoccur, and will rise up at the most inopportune time. Anything familiar to my past will cause a definite response, especially in
my close relationships, most importantly my marriage. Reconciliation is the most difficult step on the road to forgiveness.
“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23,24). God desires we meet with the person, call or even write a letter asking them to forgive us, thus in doing so, we are owning up to our responsibility, and not addressing them in the manner of expecting them to do the same. You will never be set free if you have expectations on another to do the right thing towards you. Be set free by being responsible for yourself before your living God. Bottom line… it is between you and God.

There had been a hand full of people in my personal life I needed to forgive and set free. One evening, about a year or so after I was saved, (I remember it well because I was quivering and struggling the whole time) I sat in prayer and asked the Lord to help me to forgive. Show me how. Show me how to handle each person. I thought back to Pastor Dennis saying to write them letters, not expecting anything back. This is exactly what I did. Several letters went out the next morning. I will share one letter with you. A very important letter, one I believe set a man free and many walls in my family came crashing down thereafter. My first letter was to my father. I remember it well, as I believe it is burned forever on my heart. I wrote: Dad, first of all I want you to know I love you. I know God hand – picked you to be my father. I know God does not make mistakes and chose you to be my dad. I know He loves you and I know He loves me. There is nothing that has happened in our past which could ever change this. I want you to know I hold nothing ever done between us. I ask you would free yourself from any lie which would keep you from me, for you to know I am always here, and I am forever your daughter who loves, respects, and honors you. You are the only Dad I have, and the only Dad I could want. Please forgive me for not being the best daughter to you, Dad. Will you forgive me? I love you Dad. God bless you. Lovingly, De-Tammy (that’s what he called me)

I chose not to use wording like, “I forgive you”; I thought it would block him from receiving the healing in our relationship. Forgiveness brings healing.

The next step… from this day forward, is to love the person unconditionally. After all, God loves us unconditionally and His plan is to teach us to do the same. Tell them you love them. Then begin to love them unconditionally. Replace bad thoughts with good and loving thoughts. Look for nothing in return. Don’t expect a response of any kind, not a call, card, thank you or encouraging word, nothing in return. It may take years, wait, it will be worth it. When you love someone, without expectation, it breaks his or her power to hurt you. The only reason we’re hurt is because we have expectations.
Expectations kill relationships. Just remember we can’t control another person’s behavior. Doing this is obedience to Christ. Being obedient is how I show Jesus I love him.

Regarding a future relationship with your husband, a Godly man who has worked to be free of his past bondage will be turned off when he meets you, if you haven’t healed yet. The perfect doesn’t exist, but a man who has overcome or overcoming his past hurts will want to have a meaningful relationship with his future wife. This will be difficult for him if you haven’t healed yet because most likely you will transpose this resentment on to him. Weather it is a present or past relationship, do yourself a favor for your own future by letting the person off the hook of un-forgiveness so you may be set free. You need to be complete especially before marriage. But more importantly, you are learning how to be more like Jesus, knowing and experiencing Him on a new level in your understanding of who He is. It is one step at a time toward the abundant life He promised us. So walk and enjoy what is to follow.

September 14, 1999

When I rise
Full of love
For life and laughter
And the me that I am
Love will meet me…
Above my own neediness
Fears and frustrated tears
And allow myself to be warmed by the Son
Love will shine on me…
Past prayerlessness
Desperate hopes,
sleepless nights and wondering why I’m alone

Love wraps me in its arms…
Beyond sacrificing who I am
Mistreating my heart
And giving my affections
Too freely to the ungrateful…
Accepting scraps, when I crave for more
That are merely mirages of together forever
I pray to rise above it all
Your wings will carry me
To Your place called faith and deliverance
A place where the lies whispered in the dark must flee
In the face of such intense light…
For this is the place where God is and love dwells
For God and love are the same
And as I rise ever higher
Chains snapping from my heart and my mind
My soul
I soar ever higher
Carried on the wings of love itself…
I rise
And love kisses me deeply
Ever so sweetly
And whispers
I’m home…

I don’t know where this poem came from. I found it in my 1999 journal. It spoke to me enough to have written it twice on two different occasions. There is such truth in these words.