Last Days with a Dying Friend

Last Days with a Dying Friend

Dedicated to Nancy Bayless

I still wonder at times why the Lord blessed me with such a special woman as Nancy Bayless. Just knowing her for the short time I did forever impacted my life. She was a storyteller and I later learned a beautiful writer as well. I would like to open the door and allow the fresh air of Nancy into your life…

I had been attending my new church only a few months, when one of the ladies from my home fellowship recruited me to do a “Gilligan’s Island” skit at the women’s retreat with her.

Apparently the woman who was to play Ginger, backed out and they needed a replacement, and fast! I was asked to play this breathy, sexy, redheaded bombshell.

Oh, God help me. I remember this unique older woman (late 70’s-early 80’s) intently observing us as we rehearsed our skit. I was a sight to behold, as I wore a bright red wig and had eyelashes so long I could barely open my eyes. To top it off, I wore a tight shiny, gold gown; it looked as if it were painted on, so much so I could barely walk! I could also forget about sitting down! While I rehearsed my lines in the skit with Mary, I used an enormous amount of breath to enunciate, and exaggerate my every word; I literally blew the hair off her face! Ha, this of course, caused great laughter to erupt from the woman observing us. Unbeknownst to me, she continued to watch me throughout the women’s retreat. As the retreat drew to a close, she gave me her business card and said, “Let’s go on a lunch date sometime, give me a call.” As I took her business card, and looked into her face, I knew she was serious about the lunch date. My girlfriend, who was with me at the time asked, “Did you know that was Nancy Bayless, the icon of our church?” I had no idea who she was and I think that pleased her.

I remember our first lunch date as if it were yesterday. She opened the door and exclaimed, “My feet are dancing!” I felt so special to her. She introduced me to a French restaurant she loved, and as we ate, she intently listened as I shared my life story. Then, at unexpected moments in our conversation, she would make the most profound, true statements which would pierce my soul. I loved speaking to her because she genuinely heard me and accepted me for who I was. Her mission was not to change me but to… enjoy me. Oh how I loved that. I felt like I had something to offer to the Lord. She heard all my stories, and instead of judging me, she encouraged me to share them and the power of God in each story.

She loved life and explored it by sailing around the world. She loved Love, and explained once she discovered Love, she grabbed His hand and never looked back. She encouraged me to be passionate about my love affair with Jesus. To explore Him to the core of who He is…which is…love. She was the one who encouraged me to paint. I smile as I fondly remember her challenging me as she asked, “Why are you not painting?” God gave you this gift…use it!” “Ok!” I responded without hesitation. She had written a short story about a quadriplegic little boy, and asked if I could imagine how he looked, and then paint him to go with the story. I did. Upon gazing at my painting of the precious boy, she responded “This is what he looks like, how could you have known?”

I was so encouraged by her words, a spark was kindled and I haven’t put the paintbrush down since. Not only that, for some reason she gave me her book, “Christian Writers’ Market Guide” a tool for Christian writers. She was a published writer and mentored by Jerry B. Jenkins (Author-Left Behind series). I couldn’t imagine why on earth she would give me such a book. I’m not a writer, a painter maybe, but not a writer. She lovingly shared, “You will understand one day”. She was my encourager.

The following summer we had a lunch date which was extremely difficult. While sharing our meal together, she took on a more serious tone, and explained to me she had cancer, and it had spread throughout her body. She then asked me to explain the stages she would soon encounter with cancer, as she knew I had lost my brother to cancer. I know now looking back she knew full well what to expect but even in her cancer, she wanted me to feel valuable and able to bring my offerings to our friendship. As she became more ill, more and more friends came to help. She surrounded herself with special people in her life and there were many. People were flying in from all over to see her, and say their farewells. Everyday there were crowds of people in her tiny home full of flowers and vanilla candles. Thursday evenings were our special times together; just her and I. We would watch rented movies (her favorite movie was “Tortilla Soup”) while eating Ben and Jerry’s “Fish Food” ice cream, read the Bible, talk and talk, and of course, share many laughs together. She taught me so much about living a full and joyful life. She even taught me in the midst of her suffering on how to die. I loved being with her. I loved her. I will always remember our last prayer together and the words she prayed over me. Nancy was a very special woman, who had a tremendous love for other people. She cared deeply about them, as she was an excellent observer of character, and had the gift of discernment. She made everyone she encountered feel special. That was Nancy… “Others”.

Near the end of her life, as I watched her look out her bedroom window I asked her, “What do you see Nancy?” She replied, “A man walking along the street…I wonder what he’s thinking?” I was in awe as she was lying in bed, near death, and was wondering what the stranger was thinking. I learned Nancy did not think of others as strangers. They all had value to her and a reason for coming into her life, or even moments of just walking by. God wanted her to see something in everyone. And she did. She is with Jesus now and I know without a doubt her feet are dancing.

Nancy’s favorite scripture: “The LORD your God is in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

If you would like to know more about Nancy Bayless there is a beautifully written book written by her close friend, Mary Jenson titled, “Over Salad & Hot Bread”.